I was talking to my youngest daughter today about feelings, more specifically about being afraid of making people mad, getting in trouble, etc. She had some very wise words for a young woman. She said, "I used to be like that, I wanted to make everyone happy, and do everything right. I could never even take up for myself. I started thinking about end times and how Christians will be killed for being Christians and (I) DECIDED that I needed to get a backbone. I didn't want to be 'afraid' to be who I am and have to go to the fiery pits because I was 'afraid' to stand up for myself and the God that loves me."
There was more to our conversation and who knows, the rest of it might end up being another blog lol. What my mind has been on this evening is we need to DECIDE, we need to CHOOSE how we want to be. She took action in her life to make sure she did not deny God.
We all need to take action in our lives. We need to be prayed up and battle ready because we DO NOT know what we will have to face. I see a lot of going back and forth Pre-trib, Mid-trib, Post-trib. I'm not going to argue that in this blog post. What I am going to say is no matter when Jesus comes back, NO ONE said we would not have trials. NO ONE promised that bad things wouldn't happen to us just because we are Christian. What God did promise is that HE would be with us.
Look at Daniel, look at Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo, Jesus, Peter, Paul, etc. etc. etc. They were following God, they were true believers and yet they suffered. I hear a lot of people say, we are going to be raptured out and not feel the wrath of God. What about the wrath of satan? and who says we won't be in a battle? We are in one everyday, that's why we have to put on our armor every single day.
The Bible says in Ephesians 6:10-13, 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
We are in the battle of our lives, for our souls. We are fighting the powers already of this dark world.
There may come a day when you have to stand up for God, will you be able to? Think of the shootings that have been going on. We are precious children of God, however, look at Job in Job 1:1, 1 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil. He was also a precious child of God and in the end God restored everything to Job, because He stood. When the day of evil came upon him, he stood his ground and when he had done all he could, he just stood. BUT, he went through a battle, one most of us would not be able to withstand.
We have to decide today for each daily battle that we are going through. The Bible says, "choose this day who you will serve" in the book of Joshua. Don't wait around until a fiery trial comes upon you. Decide today. So if you end up in the lion's den, or walking in the fiery furnace, looking down a gun barrel with someone saying deny Jesus or die you can stand knowing that He died for you and He will be there to bring you home. Things are wrapping up, I've never seen or heard of so many prophecies coming to pass as there are in our life time but it doesn't mean it's over. It's the beginning of birth pains. (I'll let you look that up :-)
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.
God bless you and love to all.
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Monday, November 11, 2013
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Blahs and Blues
Funny title? This is not my usual blog, but it just describes me today. It's raining, the sky is overcast and I'm just feeling blah. I'm blue because things around me are out of my control and I have a hard time dealing with that because I'm a control freak. These past few months God has been working with me, and He has shown me that although I have no control, He is very much in control and very capable of handling everything, if I just step out of the way.
I try to remember what my mom used to say many years ago, "this to shall pass". Even though this is hard and part of my "blues" is that I wanted my grandchildren to always know this place, as meemaw and papa's home, where they grew up, it isn't meant to be that way. We have been packing and moving things it seems like forever, lol, but in reality it has only been a few weeks. It takes time to sort through 50+ years worth of "stuff".We had a garage sale at my
oldest daughter's this past week-end and God gave us a wonderful day Friday in spite of the naysayers who kept "threatening" rain on us. We kept our smiles and kept repeating God is going to hold back the rain and He did :) However, Saturday I guess He had heard enough about rain and we were out numbered because it rained pretty much all day but people were still coming out! We ended up packing everything up around noon and we will try again next month. I'm very tired and more than a little weary right now, but I'm standing on God's promises that no matter how bad things look right now, He has everything under control.I told my daughter there may have been a reason we didn't get to sell much on Saturday. Probably when we are able to have the next one it will be right when we need that money. All I do know for sure is that God is in control and He is awesome so I have no doubt there are reasons we don't know of for all that is going on.
I do know He has taught me several lessons along the way that I'm
not going to forget anytime soon. One lesson I've learned is that He can turn any situation around for good. The 
second lesson is that He always comes through right on time, His time. The third and most important, He loves us, (we mean more to Him than the birds and the lillies, Matthew 6:26-34), and He truly has everything all under control.Thanks for reading my ramblings, just know that even though I say I'm blah and blue, it's a temporary thing and I'll be back to my normal blogging soon. Maybe not as frequently until this move is completely over but I will be back. I will have testimonies from this I'm sure because I expect awesome things from God and He never disappoints me :) You should too. He is there ready, willing and just waiting for you to call on Him. Don't disappoint Him, give God the opportunity to work in your life.
until next time
God bless.
tawanab
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dealing with a Narcissistic Personality
We all know or have known someone in our lifetime who, no matter what the conversation, turns it back around on themselves. Someone who has done everything, knows everything, their kids are better, their life is better, their home is better etc OR worse than anyone's. I'm not going to say that person is a narcissist but there is a good probability they are. And on that note we probably all have a little of that type of personality, when someone is telling a story we might suddenly interrupt with, "that happened to me once too, ....." rather than letting the other person finish. For most of us its not an intentional action, its blurted out the moment it triggers our thoughts.
Narcissism is defined as a personality so consumed with self that the individual is unable to relate to the feelings, needs, and perception of others. Chronically manipulative and exploitive behaviors are at the core of this personality. While narcissists can initially seem pleasant and engaging, over time they have a knack of generating great anger and exasperation in those who simply want to relate with equality and respect.
Narcissists usually have ulterior motives to their helpfulness or friendliness. They are constantly in "me" mode and usually have pretty much already figured out before they offer their help to you what they will get out of it in return. That's pretty harsh isn't it? However, it's truth, read the definition again, "consumed with self, unable to relate to the feelings, needs and perception of others". I want to keep repeating that because it's important for anyone who has to deal with a narcissistic person to understand that the problem is with them (the narcissist) and not you. Remember part of my site title is "knowledge is power". I hope to give you enough knowledge about narcissism to "empower" you if you are dealing with that kind of person.
For many many years I was subjected to a narcissistic personality in the workforce. I thought I was friends with this person and yet it seemed every time I turned around she had used something I did to either make herself shine or cause me damage at work. I was on a constant roller coaster of emotions, never knowing what each day would bring. I was over worked and stressed and had no idea why things were going the way they were until my counselor explained narcissism to me. People that deal with this type of person on a regular basis tend to feel like they are directly attacking them which isn't the case, as stated narcissist think only of themselves and what they will eventually get.
There are eight main indicators of a full-blown narcissistic personality:
1) They have no ability to empathize
2) They appear to have a sense of entitlement or expect special favors.
3) They exhibit manipulative or exploitive behaviors.
4) They have an inability to receive direction.
5) They have a need to be superior and are haughty or judgemental.
6) They show an unwillingness to deal with reality, are idealists.
7) They have the ability to make initial positive impressions
8) They have an insatiable need for control.
If you know or deal with someone regularly with this traits as I did, you can empower yourself and learn how to deal with this person and protect yourself from frustration and hurt. A narcissist can be extremely mentally abusing without seeing themselves that way.
First: You can't change them, remember they are focused on themselves and that they probably will not respond to even helpful criticism. By definition, the only person's thoughts and ideas they care about are their own.
Second: Establish strong boundaries. Narcissists can be extremely disruptive when they communicate with you. Stand firm on your decisions, don't debate with them. Don't be drawn in by arguing with them that they are being unfair or whose way is the right way.
(The third is a direct quote from "Please God save me from this abuse" written by Les Carter, Ph.D.)
Third: Demonstrate that you respect your own dignity. Often you will feel insulted because a narcissist will so readily discount your value. This can leave you wondering, "What's so awful about me?" Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Recognize that your dignity is a God-given gift, and contrary to the narcissist's assumption, he or she is not the god who gets to make such pronouncements. Spend quality time with friends and acquaintenances who treat YOU with the RESPECT YOU DESERVE.
Fourth: Don't battle the narcissist for control. Again by definition, they think they are always right, it's "my way or the high-way" so to speak. When challenged communication turns into a power struggle. It becomes their goal to decide for you how you should think and act. When/if this happens remind yourself that you are in control of your own thoughts and actions and have just as much right to your feelings, thoughts and opinions as they do. Don't argue with them because they have that right also. Best course of action is walk away.
Fifth: (again quoting from source above) Accept the fact that the narcissist probably thinks you are a fool. Sad to say, the narcissist genuinely believes that he or she is more enlightened than you. True to the nature of narcissism, that person is inevitably convinced that you are a slug who does not understand the way life is supposed to be lived. As you interact with this person, recognize that his or her low opinion of you is predictable, and is part of that person's internal dysfunction.
As I mentioned earlier I spent years in the workforce with a narcissist co-worker/boss, I wish I had been empowered with this information then because I was one of those people that always ended up thinking "what's wrong with me?" Though some of the above may seem harsh in some ways, you have to adapt to a small amount of narcissism yourself to deal with a narcissistic personality. You have to think about YOU and you have to protect YOU, it's a given that they don't and won't.
excerpts from: "Please God save me from this abuse!" Responding to a Narcissist, by Les Carter, Ph.D.
Narcissism is defined as a personality so consumed with self that the individual is unable to relate to the feelings, needs, and perception of others. Chronically manipulative and exploitive behaviors are at the core of this personality. While narcissists can initially seem pleasant and engaging, over time they have a knack of generating great anger and exasperation in those who simply want to relate with equality and respect.
Narcissists usually have ulterior motives to their helpfulness or friendliness. They are constantly in "me" mode and usually have pretty much already figured out before they offer their help to you what they will get out of it in return. That's pretty harsh isn't it? However, it's truth, read the definition again, "consumed with self, unable to relate to the feelings, needs and perception of others". I want to keep repeating that because it's important for anyone who has to deal with a narcissistic person to understand that the problem is with them (the narcissist) and not you. Remember part of my site title is "knowledge is power". I hope to give you enough knowledge about narcissism to "empower" you if you are dealing with that kind of person.
For many many years I was subjected to a narcissistic personality in the workforce. I thought I was friends with this person and yet it seemed every time I turned around she had used something I did to either make herself shine or cause me damage at work. I was on a constant roller coaster of emotions, never knowing what each day would bring. I was over worked and stressed and had no idea why things were going the way they were until my counselor explained narcissism to me. People that deal with this type of person on a regular basis tend to feel like they are directly attacking them which isn't the case, as stated narcissist think only of themselves and what they will eventually get.
There are eight main indicators of a full-blown narcissistic personality:
1) They have no ability to empathize
2) They appear to have a sense of entitlement or expect special favors.
3) They exhibit manipulative or exploitive behaviors.
4) They have an inability to receive direction.
5) They have a need to be superior and are haughty or judgemental.
6) They show an unwillingness to deal with reality, are idealists.
7) They have the ability to make initial positive impressions
8) They have an insatiable need for control.
If you know or deal with someone regularly with this traits as I did, you can empower yourself and learn how to deal with this person and protect yourself from frustration and hurt. A narcissist can be extremely mentally abusing without seeing themselves that way.
First: You can't change them, remember they are focused on themselves and that they probably will not respond to even helpful criticism. By definition, the only person's thoughts and ideas they care about are their own.
Second: Establish strong boundaries. Narcissists can be extremely disruptive when they communicate with you. Stand firm on your decisions, don't debate with them. Don't be drawn in by arguing with them that they are being unfair or whose way is the right way.
(The third is a direct quote from "Please God save me from this abuse" written by Les Carter, Ph.D.)
Third: Demonstrate that you respect your own dignity. Often you will feel insulted because a narcissist will so readily discount your value. This can leave you wondering, "What's so awful about me?" Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Recognize that your dignity is a God-given gift, and contrary to the narcissist's assumption, he or she is not the god who gets to make such pronouncements. Spend quality time with friends and acquaintenances who treat YOU with the RESPECT YOU DESERVE.
Fourth: Don't battle the narcissist for control. Again by definition, they think they are always right, it's "my way or the high-way" so to speak. When challenged communication turns into a power struggle. It becomes their goal to decide for you how you should think and act. When/if this happens remind yourself that you are in control of your own thoughts and actions and have just as much right to your feelings, thoughts and opinions as they do. Don't argue with them because they have that right also. Best course of action is walk away.
Fifth: (again quoting from source above) Accept the fact that the narcissist probably thinks you are a fool. Sad to say, the narcissist genuinely believes that he or she is more enlightened than you. True to the nature of narcissism, that person is inevitably convinced that you are a slug who does not understand the way life is supposed to be lived. As you interact with this person, recognize that his or her low opinion of you is predictable, and is part of that person's internal dysfunction.
As I mentioned earlier I spent years in the workforce with a narcissist co-worker/boss, I wish I had been empowered with this information then because I was one of those people that always ended up thinking "what's wrong with me?" Though some of the above may seem harsh in some ways, you have to adapt to a small amount of narcissism yourself to deal with a narcissistic personality. You have to think about YOU and you have to protect YOU, it's a given that they don't and won't.
excerpts from: "Please God save me from this abuse!" Responding to a Narcissist, by Les Carter, Ph.D.
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