Saturday, February 21, 2009

On being a mom and an open letter to my children

All my life all I wanted was to be a mom. That was my single most prayer, always, and truly was a dream I reached for. Nothing ever seemed more important to me in the past NOR does anything compare to it now. My favorite story is be careful what you ask for when you pray but that's another blog, another time :)
I have learned a few truths about being a mom:
1) Wanting it ,no matter how badly, doesn’t mean you will be good at it!
2) Children do not come with an instruction booklet! No one, not new mothers or experienced mothers can tell you how to do it, they can only give you the benefit of their experience, right or wrong!
3) NO love comes close to it, (other than the love God has for you), not your love for your parents, your brothers and sisters if you have them, your spouse, nothing compares to the love you feel for your children, whether you gave birth to them or not.
4) If you think you can’t possibly love more, wait til you have grandchildren.
5) Being a mom is NOT easy, when they hurt you hurt.
6) Making the right decisions for your children as they are growing only gets harder with time, butting out when the choice is no longer yours is even harder.
7) the cycle of being a mom repeats itself:
  • when they are little they depend on you for everything,
  • teenagers think they know everything and you know nothing,
  • young adults think you know something but your knowledge is dated and doesn’t apply to their generation,
  • then comes a magic time when they realize you do know something and they turn to you for advice and actually believe you know what you are talking about and actually sometimes even listen to you (believe it or not it happens),
  • then somewhere in the middle they start to think they have absorbed all your knowledge and everyone around them and once again they know everything,
  • then you get older and they think what you knew you must have forgotten and you really don’t know anything. At some point I believe they realize they still love you and maybe by then they have children and understand some of the love you have for them.
8) No matter how hard you try at some point you will disappoint your children, and there will be times they might disappoint you.
9) they will make you cry and break your heart.
10) you will make them cry.
11) you NEVER EVER stop loving them (even though at times you might not like them).
12) they never lose their ability to hurt you.
13) you will wonder where you went wrong.
14) you will see what you did right (and unfortunately where you went wrong).
15) they will always take what you say wrong!
16) your children will remember things differently than you do.
17) being a mom is the single most important thing you will ever do in your life!!!!!!!
Take it seriously, you don’t get practice and you don’t get a second chance. Whether you give birth to them or God just chooses to put them in your life, cherish them, do the best you can, that is all God asks of you, don’t make rash decisions and don’t take them for granted.
They truly do grow up to fast.
18) you can be a mom without giving birth and love unconditionally those that God has put in your life.
19) there comes a time when they don’t need you anymore and you aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself because your life has revolved around them.
20) they will make decisions that make you wonder what alien being has possessed them.
21) your children will go through many changes, some of them you won’t like but you NEVER EVER stop loving them, that's being a mom and its wonderful!!!
I guess that is what this blog is all about -- I want my children to know I love them, ALL of them, whether they have been in my life a short time or all their lives.

OPEN LETTER TO MY CHILDREN:
I love you more than anything in this world and I thank God for putting you in my life and I thank you for putting up with me. When you think you disappoint me, its not you I’m disappointed in, its me. I only want whats best for all of you and don’t want to see you do things that will permanently scar or hurt you. Any advice I’ve given has been from love and just a little experience that God has given me with age. I hope you have taken something from your life with me that will benefit you and stay with you all your life. I didn't give you the gift of life, but I hope I’ve contributed in some small way in making your life happier. My wish for all of you is that you know the love I have for you and pass that love on to your own children. I pray your children never break your heart. I pray you always have your children and nothing comes between you and them, (and believe it or not many things can), I hope that your children give you as much happiness and happy memories as you have given me. No matter what happens I will always believe I’m truly blessed to have had all of you in my life. I may not always be right, I may not always say what you want to hear, but I will always love you, I will always be your mom.

Here’s a little advice from your mom:
1) Love your children with all your heart, they are a blessing from God and cannot be replaced.
2) teach your children about God, the world will teach them plenty, give them a Rock to come back to.
3) pick your battles, not everything is the end of the world, some things can even be ignored, don’t sweat the small stuff.
4) you can’t be their best friend and their mom until they are grown, they need you to teach them and give them guidance when they are little and yes, discipline.
5) don’t do things even with your children you have to apologize for later.
6) don’t make them grow up to fast, let them be little.
7) teach your children respect, not fear.
8) when you are tired, thank God you have them, when you are hurt, thank God you have them, when you are at your wits end, thank God you have them.
9) whatever you do, never stop thanking God for them, remember He could have chosen someone else to give them to.
10) don’t expect them to know you love them, tell them. (That’s good advice for all you love actually.) If you love someone, TELL them, don’t expect them to know by your actions because they can’t always tell.
Remember 16 above, they see things differently than you do, they will remember things differently than you do, you might even have to explain some things to them so they understand why you did what you did. (Miraculously after they have children of their own they can see why you did some of the things you did.) Unfortunately, you may not know how differently they took what you said or did when they were younger until they are grown! LOL